Create Happiness

We all have days when we don’t feel happy, but what about when sadness, grief, or chronic worry consume more and more of your time, you may begin to wonder if you will ever be happy again.

By definition, happiness is one’s mental or emotional state which could include positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Happiness gives a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.

Some may think that achieving more goals and increasing their self-confidence will make them happier. Others dig into the true grit of their self-efficacy by postponing their happiness until after they have overcome life’s struggle and challenges. And let’s not forget those individuals that believe that self-esteem is measured by their happiness.

Happiness is a choice and an action.

  • Choice? You make a decision at the beginning of each day as to what state of mind you will take on. What will be your driving attitude for the day?
  • Action? Our Seven Basic Needs influence our attitude, actions, and outlook on life.

(Now I wish to acknowledge that there are physical conditions that will hinder the ability to feel happy for some individuals. In these cases please seek medical help. My thoughts are never to take the place of medical direction.)

What do I mean by the Seven Basic Needs?

Happiness is a choice made in the morning

Many times, I have felt overwhelmed with the stress and worry of a life situation or the concerns of a child. The prolonged concern and worry have depleted my level of resilience gradually stripping away my feeling of happiness. Each day I would awake and immediately my mind would start thinking about my worries. I ignored the gift of a new beautiful day or the sparkle of sunshine that would shine through my window. I was beginning to feel hopeless, lost, and wanting to control the situation so that I could feel peace. 

I realized that I had created a routine of starting the day with a habit of chronic worry. I was helping no one by my misery and suffering. It was then that I decided I was ready for a change. I decided that each morning, the moment I opened my eyes I would declare to myself these words, “It is going to be a great day!” At first, I would repeat them over several times before I ever got out of bed. I realized that if I wanted to feel happy, then I needed to choose to be happy and declare it for myself each and every day. As the day wore on and I found myself slipping back into a state of grief or worry, I would remind myself that I choose happiness over worry by repeating the statement all over again in my mind. 

The mind is never a space of void, meaning you never stop thinking consciously or subconsciously. Thoughts are constantly flowing through. You can remove a negative thought, but it will return if that space is not filled with something that is positive and healthier for you

Every single human being has all of these basic human needs and they influence our decisions and reactions. In the center of the mind is the Pleasure Center. The pleasure center, also known as part of the reward system is only concerned with what will bring you pleasure and instant satisfaction. As the pleasure center sends messages up to the frontal cortex where decisions are made, and if a basic need is not met, signals can become frustrated, triggering false perceptions and creating a negative reaction as an attempt to fulfill that human need. 

Unmet human needs will impact your self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-esteem influencing your happiness.

First let’s define the difference between Self-Confidence, Self-Efficacy, and Self-Esteem

Each of these three contributes to one’s mental state thus influencing their happiness. And it’s not uncommon that people use these three interchangeably to mean the same thing. However, each is very different and plays a different role in a person’s mental health.

Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is built from doing something over and over so that you feel comfortable with it. The thought process beings with “I can__________” (fill in the blank with something you can do.)

Self-Efficacy

Efficacy is the capacity for producing the desired result. Self-efficacy is knowing you can do hard things. It is an “I will” attitude.

Self-Esteem

Now, Self-Esteem is our self-worth… your value for yourself. Self-esteem is not the things on the outside that we do to feel of worth, no it’s on the inside. Things people do on the outside to build self-esteem is feeling like they must please someone, or perform at a certain level, or shape their body to look a certain way. None of these build positive self-esteem.

Self-Esteem is an inward awareness that God created you unique and wonderful. It’s a knowing that you are amazing just the way you are and not because of something that you have accomplished. It’s a feeling of gratitude for your own personal gifts and talents.

Self-esteem allows you to always be open for growth, but you do not feel that you have to prove anything to anybody.

I would venture to say that out of the three, self-esteem is most misunderstood and causes the greatest ripple in our smooth and balanced flow of life.

Each of these three (3) are interconnected to our driving force, the Seven Needs, and being affected by our level of resilience. When you feel like throwing in the towel and giving up, your level of resilience is so low that you have lost the desire to bounce back and keep on going.

Building your level of resilience is what fuels your desire to keep going and when the fire goes out due to an overload of stressful situations, your happiness begins to diminish and deplete.

Download my free booklet…

The Happy Lemon (Part 1) A Resiliency Plan Click Here