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Monthly Archives: April 2014

I want the Fairytale Ending

Posted on April 28, 2014 by Cathy Freeman Posted in The Confidence Factor .

2010_0211Disney0208-1I want the fairytale ending….don’t you?

In my coaching business many clients come, asking me to “Fix” their husband or child.  They have tried to find a solution but are now at  a breaking point, because of the struggles that have come into their life.  My heart goes out to them with total understanding of what they are feeling.

The reality is, no one can “fix” another person, unless they want to be “fixed”.   I have found it far better, and longer lasting, if you discover ways to focus on being happy for yourself, express kindness to others,  and leave them to their desired ways of living.

The only one you can fix, is you

What we work towards is a new level of  Objectivity….the ability to understand how the situation is being perceived and choose to  create a new lens to see life’s situations through.  These old lenses become so comfortable and natural, that a person never suspects them to be out of focus for others.   This is where the ripple effect of discontent begins.

Great the day with a smile.

Have you ever heard the song…”No one likes a frowny face, change it to a smile.  Make the world a better place by smiling all the while”?  A fun child’s tune with great impact.   It is hard to be down and upset when you carry a smile on your face.

I went through a period of stressful worry.  From the moment I awoke, I had concerns on my mind.  My countenance was beginning to drop in energy and I found myself feeling frustrated much of the time.  Once I recognized what I was doing, I wanted to change. From that point forward, I determined to wake each day with a smile.  The first thought that I would allow to come into my mind were these words, “This is going to be a great day !”  I send them with great enthusiasm, like a child waking on their birthday with great anticipation.  I then would find creative ways to express my “decided joy”, which ultimately magnified a stronger and more real positive feeling.

 

Mission …..to be set free

  • First – I had to face what I was seeing.  Stop and objectively look from the “birds eye view” rather than my personal tunnel vision. 
  • Second – Realize that much of my motivation was generated from fear…..the fear that situations would not turn out right.
  • Third – Grant others freedom to make their choice, and experience the result of that choice.
  • Fourth – Focus on my positive changes.  Many times I found myself frustrated that I was experiencing the ripples of another’s choice.  I often would ask God to take this burden from me.  At first I totally expected the burden to be removed, but realized that what I was given was far greater of a treasure.  I was given the power and strength to deal with, and overcome the situation.

Our thoughts are a form of creative expression

The greatest movement towards happiness is to understand that How You View your situation is 100% your creation
(I am not talking about abusive situations).  You can change your view…We change our views all the time.  Take a moment to ask, Is that change leading you in a positive creation?

 

 

 

 

 

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Help, It wasn’t suppose to turn out this way

Posted on April 26, 2014 by Cathy Freeman Posted in The Confidence Factor .

Why do we find another’s deep emotional outburst funny?  I am not saying “wrong or right”….my concern focuses more on the level at which we laugh at another’s pain.  Call this “standing on my soap box” (love that term, I think it came from England)  Anyway, I write this in response to a video I saw on facebook. (Side note: Unable to find the direct link, I had to use his page)

Post by James Ellis.

 

Here is the situation:

Parents want to tell their three children (1 boy about 7 or 8, and 2 younger sisters…guessing 5 & 3) whether mommy is carrying a baby boy or a baby girl.  They had a cute idea.  A cake was baked in the color (pink for girl, and probably blue for boy) illustrating the sex of the baby, and then frosted in white so no one knows the answer, until they cut into the cake.  Can you picture this so far?

The 3 children are sitting, facing the camera. The cake sits right in front. Dad begins by asking each one what they think the baby will be….all seems to be going smoothly.  Then the cake is cut and as a piece is lifted out, the children’s eyes fall upon…. Pink cake !  There should be squeals of laughter and happy expressions for this new addition, but what you see next is a young boy in shock.  He hollers as his parents continue to take pictures….”IT’S A GIRL, IT’S A GIRL, IT’S A GIRL”. And then as if this could be a GREAT BIG JOKE, he says it again, but this time in a questioning voice. “IT’S A GIRL?    (If you watched the video, these are not tones of delight and happiness).

Reality Hits Him (Thought) – followed with matching chemicals from the brain (Producing Response)

Then reality hits him that he, once again, is left to be the only boy in a sea of girls…(personally, I don’t think that is a bad thing).  However, I having been right there in his same shoes and can totally relate to those rushing emotions of disappointment. (I was the only girl with 4 brothers – of which I would never trade…but, as great as the male race is, a sister would have been my greatest desire for both my mother and myself)

We all have Intense Emotions – It’s how we express it

Many children respond with intense emotions when face with disappointment, and I say Bravo that he is allowed to voice his true feelings, rather than bottle them up in shame and remorse.  Yet, I can’t help but wonder why a parent would continue to video their child’s display of frustration as their mood grows into full blown grief?  Why not turn off the video and address the emotional need of their child?  Or perhaps was there more concern of making “TV’s funniest videos?….of which I don’t watch, because most of them center around another persons accidents and pain. (Call me soft hearted, ridiculous, or what-ever…)

Something is physically happening within this child’s body,a violent explosion of unseen chemicals that are affecting his anatomy.

He is stuck in a loop of thought, and needs a tender rescue to bring his world back into balance.

All parents will experience a child’s outburst of displeasure….and I have never been one to support reactions of anger or tantrums, but how much better for everyone when parents learn and teach skills on how to deal with emotional eruptions such as disappointment, grief, and anger.

Remember, anger is fear being expressed in an outward motion.

So I ask myself, what does this child need most?

  1. First to stop the flood of hormonal chemicals racing through his mind and body. (What I use)
  2. Stop his looping thoughts and shift in a healthier direction – Thought frequencies, Sand Talk
  3. Support and security, that is the greatest need in my opinion. (and that’s my 2-cents worth)

Watch for  “Mommy’s Rescue Kit”  coming soon

 Want to Lean More ?  Click Here

 

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Courage to Be ME

Posted on April 4, 2014 by Cathy Freeman Posted in The Best You, The Confidence Factor .

500Seeing your child choose to dismiss others opinions of being weak or less-than during a school activity, only to muster up the courage to feel happy being who they are in the moment, brings joy to a mother’s heart.

Such was the event of my 12 year old.  It had been a rough day, one she had dreaded for a week.  You see, they were dissecting a fish in science, and she was not looking forward to the event. We all might remember a similar type of assignment in Biology; however, I always managed to do very little cutting, thanks to my lab partner.

I can always tell when something is bothering her,

she eventually finds me and asks to sit on my lap….yes she is twelve and I hope this never changes, or at least my legs will hold out.  If I will listen silently, and with a carefully thought out question here and there, she eventually gets to the core of the problem…the one that she is actually seeking for my advice.  This time the core was not the fear she felt from the assignment, but the tears she wept in front of others caused by feelings of sadness.  Not only did she feel sad for the fish, but also how the group next to her were attaching and treating their dead fish.   She felt it was very disrespectful, and I totally understood her point, since this is my child who spent all of her swim time one summer saving little bugs who found themselves stuck in the waves of the water.

Saying consoling words do not work for this child, she has to logically agree with what your are saying, or she will slip deeper until she works herself up into an uncontrollable frenzy.  So my task has been to hand her the responsibility of her emotions.  I have taught her techniques to stop this process as well as educated her on what is happening, now it’s time to give her the opportunity and learn through trial and error.

I simply told her she had 4 choices –

4 ways in which she could respond.  I took the time to list them out starting with the first choice where she could choose to be the victim and think that everyone sees her as a baby. (That is what she was worried the most about).  I listed 2 more other options and then for the fourth choice I began by telling her that “she could choose to think that she handled the situation the best way possible, for what she knew how to, at that very time.”  I told her she could choose to emphasis in her mind that “I am neat, I am wonderful, just the way I am and I feel good about myself.  Now go forward with your day creating happiness and spreading sunshine along your way.”

All of a sudden her eyes lite up.

“I like that one mom,” she said.  “Can you remember it so I can write it down?”  Precious, precious moments.  I asked her later why this one worked for her?  She wrote her answer in my journal.  She said, “you learn from your mistakes so you can know that at that time, at just that second, you did the best that you could do then.  And after we learn from our mistakes we can know how to do it better, knowing that you will do the best thing that you knew how to do at that time.”  SHE GOT THE POINT.  She did the best she could right then and she can feel proud that she had the courage to do that!

What she wrote….Out of the mouth of babes!

500 letter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Real Positive Change…tools and techniques for more confident thinking.

 

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