I want the fairytale ending….don’t you?

In my coaching business many clients come, asking me to “Fix” their husband or child.  They have tried to find a solution but are now at  a breaking point, because of the struggles that have come into their life.  My heart goes out to them with total understanding of what they are feeling.

The reality is, no one can “fix” another person, unless they want to be “fixed”.   I have found it far better, and longer lasting, if you discover ways to focus on being happy for yourself, express kindness to others,  and leave them to their desired ways of living.

The only one you can fix, is you

What we work towards is a new level of  Objectivity….the ability to understand how the situation is being perceived and choose to  create a new lens to see life’s situations through.  These old lenses become so comfortable and natural, that a person never suspects them to be out of focus for others.   This is where the ripple effect of discontent begins.

Great the day with a smile.

Have you ever heard the song…”No one likes a frowny face, change it to a smile.  Make the world a better place by smiling all the while”?  A fun child’s tune with great impact.   It is hard to be down and upset when you carry a smile on your face.

I went through a period of stressful worry.  From the moment I awoke, I had concerns on my mind.  My countenance was beginning to drop in energy and I found myself feeling frustrated much of the time.  Once I recognized what I was doing, I wanted to change. From that point forward, I determined to wake each day with a smile.  The first thought that I would allow to come into my mind were these words, “This is going to be a great day !”  I send them with great enthusiasm, like a child waking on their birthday with great anticipation.  I then would find creative ways to express my “decided joy”, which ultimately magnified a stronger and more real positive feeling.

Mission …..to be set free

• First – I had to face what I was seeing.  Stop and objectively look from the “birds eye view” rather than my personal tunnel vision. 
• Second – Realize that much of my motivation was generated from fear…..the fear that situations would not turn out right.
• Third – Grant others freedom to make their choice, and experience the result of that choice.
• Fourth – Focus on my positive changes.  Many times I found myself frustrated that I was experiencing the ripples of another’s choice.  I often would ask God to take this burden from me.  At first I totally expected the burden to be removed, but realized that what I was given was far greater of a treasure.  I was given the power and strength to deal with, and overcome the situation.

Our thoughts are a form of creative expression

The greatest movement towards happiness is to understand that How You View your situation is 100% your creation
(I am not talking about abusive situations).  You can change your view…We change our views all the time.  Take a moment to ask, Is that change leading you in a positive creation?

Why do we find another’s deep emotional outburst funny?  I am not saying “wrong or right”….my concern focuses more on the level at which we laugh at another’s pain.  Call this “standing on my soap box” (love that term, I think it came from England)  Anyway, I write this in response to a video I saw on facebook. (Side note: Unable to find the direct link, I had to use his page)

Here is the situation:

Parents want to tell their three children (1 boy about 7 or 8, and 2 younger sisters…guessing 5 & 3) whether mommy is carrying a baby boy or a baby girl.  They had a cute idea.  A cake was baked in the color (pink for girl, and probably blue for boy) illustrating the sex of the baby, and then frosted in white so no one knows the answer, until they cut into the cake.  Can you picture this so far?

The 3 children are sitting, facing the camera. The cake sits right in front. Dad begins by asking each one what they think the baby will be….all seems to be going smoothly.  Then the cake is cut and as a piece is lifted out, the children’s eyes fall upon…. Pink cake !  There should be squeals of laughter and happy expressions for this new addition, but what you see next is a young boy in shock.  He hollers as his parents continue to take pictures….”IT’S A GIRL, IT’S A GIRL, IT’S A GIRL”. And then as if this could be a GREAT BIG JOKE, he says it again, but this time in a questioning voice. “IT’S A GIRL?    (If you watched the video, these are not tones of delight and happiness).

Reality Hits Him (Thought) – followed with matching chemicals from the brain (Producing Response)

Then reality hits him that he, once again, is left to be the only boy in a sea of girls…(personally, I don’t think that is a bad thing).  However, I having been right there in his same shoes and can totally relate to those rushing emotions of disappointment. (I was the only girl with 4 brothers – of which I would never trade…but, as great as the male race is, a sister would have been my greatest desire for both my mother and myself)

We all have Intense Emotions – It’s how we express it

Many children respond with intense emotions when face with disappointment, and I say Bravo that he is allowed to voice his true feelings, rather than bottle them up in shame and remorse.  Yet, I can’t help but wonder why a parent would continue to video their child’s display of frustration as their mood grows into full blown grief?  Why not turn off the video and address the emotional need of their child?  Or perhaps was there more concern of making “TV’s funniest videos?….of which I don’t watch, because most of them center around another persons accidents and pain. (Call me soft hearted, ridiculous, or what-ever…)

Something is physically happening within this child’s body,a violent explosion of unseen chemicals that are affecting his anatomy.

He is stuck in a loop of thought, and needs a tender rescue to bring his world back into balance.

All parents will experience a child’s outburst of displeasure….and I have never been one to support reactions of anger or tantrums, but how much better for everyone when parents learn and teach skills on how to deal with emotional eruptions such as disappointment, grief, and anger.

Remember, anger is fear being expressed in an outward motion.

So I ask myself, what does this child need most?

1. First to stop the flood of hormonal chemicals racing through his mind and body. (What I use)
2. Stop his looping thoughts and shift in a healthier direction – Thought frequencies, Sand Talk
3. Support and security, that is the greatest need in my opinion. (and that’s my 2-cents worth)

Watch for  “Mommy’s Rescue Kit”  coming soon

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