In yesterdays post I spoke of the powerful, emotional need for love. I mentioned that for us to wait “on someone else to personally fill these needs, is like holding our breath underwater as long as we possibly can. We are determined to stay under, holding and waiting, until the pain is too great and we scramble up to the surface chocking and gasping for air.”
Pain comes when we wait on someone or something else to give us what we desire…what we need. When in reality, all that we seek, is already within. A gift from God, promising that pain we have come to know, can be over-come and replaced with a greater sense of fulfillment.
Part of our uniqueness shows that we each have a preference, away that we prefer love to be offered or shown to us. Being aware of our preference can be an important bit of information. But, always expecting others to render love in our specific prescribed way, is a recipe for disaster. As hard as one tries, the ability to fulfill another individuals emotional need up to their personal expectations and requirements, is virtually impossible; hence, why people abandon the idea of perfect love. They begin to shut down their efforts, filling themselves with feelings of contempt and a need to act like a referee, seeking extreme justice and equality.
When I speak of Love, which has become the catch all word for everything from passion and romance to nurturing and chicken soup, I am speaking of the ability to give and receive with compassion and respect. To encourage, to comfort, to admire and adore. To esteem highly, feeling devotion and delight for no other reason, then the fact that they are one of God’s children. And by that right, deserve our up-most adoration, not for what they do or have done, but because of who they are….of who we are.
Often times I fall short, not feeling that I have the love needed for a particular person, situation or moment. It is at these times that I offer a simple petition to God asking to be given a gift, an awareness of His love for this person or this situation. I am always amazed at how powerful this gift will come, a feeling so strong that it engulfs my whole being. A power that fills me completely, enabling me to radiate these feelings outwardly as well as contain them within.
Recognizing when ones need for love has become unfulfilled is easy if one pays attention to a persons reactions, either towards themselves or others. Below I have listed some of the indicators that one can look for:
- a dislike for someone, or feeling that you are disliked by someone, Feelings of scorn, hate, disgust, contempt, self righteous.
- The need to act like a referee keeping track of the “score”, and monitoring all the rules.
- have feelings of insecurity around people, or feeling that people are insecure around you, a sense of worry
- Needing extreme justice and equality
- unable to get what you want, or maybe what you seek feels like you are being denied or held back. Feeling paralyzed.
When one experiences these negative emotions continually, constantly feeling that they are receiving them from others, that is the time to stop and start asking themselves some questions.. Because what they are experiencing is their inner mirror expressing to themselves, what they personally feel they are missing.
Fulfilling our need of love renders a feeling of being cherished, comforted, and encouraged. Being willing and having the ability to give these emotions to ourselves, opens the portal allowing us to receive them from others at an even greater capacity.
Today I want to expand on the emotion of feeling cherished. The Dictionary.com defines the word “cherish” as:
- to hold or treat as dear; feel love for: to cherish one’s native land.
- to care for tenderly; nurture: to cherish a child.
- to cling fondly to: to cherish a memory
To me the word “cherish” has a feeling of value, of great worth, like a prized treasure that one watched over, taking extra good care of. So how do we successfully fill this need of love through the emotion of feeling cherished?
First, I suggest prayer. Second, is a technique known as “Mirror work”. Mirror work is to look directly at yourself in a mirror, right into your eyes, and speak words to yourself of acceptance and appreciation.
Now this may seem ridiculous and silly to some, but you are already speaking to yourself every time you look into a mirror anyway. And the words are not always so pleasant. More times than not when we look into a mirror, we are doing it with scrutiny, looking for what needs to be fixed, what doesn’t look right, what must be changed and wishing somethings were different.
Most of the time our judgments are a reaction of how we feel about the day. If the day has been determined to be a good day we will see those areas that please us most, that we feel comfortable with. If the day has deemed the title of a “bad” day, everything that we see in the mirror will typically be flawed, crying out for improvement. So once again everything is relevant to our emotions.
To fulfill our emotional need to be cherished is to recognize that everything, and I mean everything has its own unique and true beauty. That appreciating and recognizing the value of what we have physically must rise above the limited view that we have conditioned ourselves to see.
Here is a good example. Think about the times you walked upon the sandy beaches of the sea. Did you ever realize that what you were really walking on were pieces of art in their own right…tiny fragments of crystals, shells and crumbs of volcanic rock, each grain of sand so unique and filled with its own beauty, no two would ever be alike.
Miniature particles unrecognized by the human eye,
Professor Gary Greenberg who has a PhD in biomedical research from University College London said: ‘It is incredible to think when you are walking on the beach you are standing on these tiny treasures.”
We have no idea what beauty surrounds us until our eyes, now opened can see what is real.
Here are two self-care tips that can be done in 90 seconds. Each when regularly practiced will help increase the emotional feeling of cherished…. helping to satisfy ones need for love.
- Take 90 seconds (a minute and half) and write down your gifts, your talents, those things that you can do. It does not matter whether you can do them well at this time or not. Do this several times a week, becoming more aware of the many gifts and abilities that you have. (Remember, things like smiling and giving warmth to others is also considered a talent.)
- In the morning as you begin your day, and at the end of each day, look into your own eyes in a mirror and tell yourself what a good job you have done this day. Thank yourself for participating fully and express appreciation for at least one thing that you felt good about. While looking in the mirror state the words, “You are of great importance”, “I am of great importance.”
Go to my website and enter your name and email...You will be taken to a page with a daily affirmation and a link to receive a 90 Second Self-Care video FREE. It was created to enliven the love that once energized you ability to be creative and do what you love to do. It will help your mind to refocus and open up to receiving a fresh new perspective.